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7 October2004
Seattle! I'm back in Seattle, and it's great to be home. Except that it is, and it isn't. Time
has passed, things and people have changed, and I'm living on the other side of the lake. I've got to get used to being carless,
being farther away from most of the things and people I want to see, but it's good to be back. Living with Geoff and Danielle
is going well, and it's a nice house with a cute fluffy persian cat named Elvis. My commute is a pretty heinous 1 hr bus ride
(2 busses) and some walking. I don't enjoy that. But I'm getting settled back in at school and trying to catch up with friends.
It's still bizarre and fun, trying to remain who I've become while stepping back into the life I had 2 years ago. I keep saying
it's like visiting my own life, and it's the only way I can think of to describe it. Neither good nor bad, just surreal at
times. Between the commute, the strange hours and the oddness of reacquainting myself with everything, it just seems like
everything is still in peace corps mode, meaning it's an adventure. It's still a pain in the ass to get anywhere, I have to
depend on unreliable busses and what rides I can manage, (except they're more comortable and have schedules, and it's cold
rather than hot), and each day still brings the possibility of many surprises and opportunities. So it's definitely keeping
me on my toes. But about that attention span.... lets just say that 3 hour classes are challenging, to say the least.
I've decided not to use this site anymore, for now. Because it's better for it to remain about Bananaland. Since I have no
time or inclination or clever ideas to make a new site, I've gone back to my old livejournal. So, au revoir. And marche bien. I'll be dreaming of blue water and palm trees........
26 August 2004
Pura Vida I left Saint Lucia on Sunday, August 1. Things were pretty chaotic at the last minute,
and despite living by lists and saying goodbyes for weeks, there were a few that never got said, a few things left undone.
The whole last weekend there was this drastic series of crazy events marked by significant ups and downs, and I find it a
very fitting analogy for my two years on the island. Particularly Sunday. But here's the story: My last Friday there was a
full moon, and a local rock band called Disturbing Joan played a full moon show at an outdoor bar in Gros Islet. Urmie, a
friend from the gym, invited me for a goodbye dinner, along with Caroline, Eric, Andre, Charles, Suzanne and Larry, and Meg,
a volunteer who was living with her--a great, fun crew. We had a wonderful indian-inspired dinner at her beautiful house,
on a hill overlooking the city, and then went to see the show. They played the songs both Tanja and I wanted to hear at their
Jazz show, and gave Caroline and me a shoutout, thanking us for our 2 years of Peace Corps service. That was really cool.
(The bass player in the band, Chris, taught swimming with Caroline and sometimes sailed with me.) After that, Tanja and I
went to the Gros Islet street party for probably the last time (she left to instruct scuba in Egypt 2 weeks after me) and
see Chris, our swiss-german friend from the gym, who also just recently departed St. Lucia. The three of us sat out on his
porch, drinking beer and discussing our feelings about leaving for a long time, until the mosquitos and sleepiness got the
best of us. The next day I was up early to pay final bills, try and pack, and meet friends in town for the round the island
trip. I got my bills paid, woke Andre (who had fallen asleep after watching an early morning rugby match) to tell him to hurry
up, and headed by bus to Castries to pick up a carving and a pair of shoes I had left at the repair shop (another thing to
try and fit in my already over-filled bags!).
The carving is a saga in itself. So I will briefly digress. Early in our time, Caroline and I befriended most of the beach
vendors in the area where we often limed. They would always greet us, sometimes bring us fruit, and in addition to not hassling
us, sort of get our back and keep others from hassling us. One guy, Columbus, had nice carvings. He was a nice guy and gave
me a birdfeeder for my sister as a wedding present when I went to the US last summer, and gave me money to buy him new sneakers,
which i did. (shoes, like everything else imported, are expensive there.)And at one point I asked him to make a special carving
for me, sort of a takeoff on one of the standard tourist pieces--a mask with the Pitons and other trademark St Lucia features.
I wanted that, plus the PC logo and 2002-2004. I thought he would do a good job. We talked about it for a long time, I got
him a copy of the logo, and he kept telling me he would drop it off for me, etc. Anyway, I never got it, and he kept telling
me it was done. That final week we agreed I would pick it up that morning. He was waiting there for me by the harbor under
a tree as rain started to fall. He went in his bag, eyes glowing with excitement, and got something out for me. My heart sank.
It was hideous. It was worse than hideous, it was a complete piece of crap. And he was so excited, and showed me all the 'features'
that I supposedly wanted. Make no mistake here, this was awful by any standards. It was a 5 lb, at least, hunk of heavy wood,
still shaped like wood except for two vague sort of points at the top, which were allegedly the pitons. on the face, which
was barely carved out, were three crudely hewn shapes that looked like elementary school attempts at stars. These, I was told,
were the dove turning into a star in the Peace Corps logo. That's it. No logo, no dates, no St. Lucia, no mask, no hibiscus
flowers or other nice ornamentation. A big heavy chunk of wood with 2 points and some ugly misshapen stars. And a "free" bird
feeder, because we were such good friends. To make it worse, he wouldn't tell me a price, which is the shadiest of all shyster
vendor tricks. They ask for "whatever you can give," which is inevitably never enough. He wanted $60 (EC dollars); I gave
him $40. Which was still a pretty expensive damn bird feeder that I never really wanted anyway. Cause I certainly wasn't keeping
that piece of crap. Had it been any other weekend, any other day, any other time, I wouldn't have taken it. I was just too
stressed, too shell shocked, and too disappointed to refuse it. The only thing I can think of is that Columbus is doing drugs
now, genuinely believed that crap was good, and didn't mean to rip me off. So I gave him the money and figured the story was
almost worth it. I told it to everyone on the van, and they laughed their asses off. The stupid thing is, I forgot to get
someone to take a picture of it. It would really help the story a lot. Unfortunately, I didn't think of that till Andre and
I were already on a bus leaving Castries, having left the thing on the van we took around the island. I didn't want to look
at it ever again.
So anyway, I got that horrible carving, and picked up my shoes, and dropped off some books for a friend in town at her job,
and we got in the van. More than an hour later we had ice and beer and finally left town. Cari, Heather, Jaimie, Zorina, Rosie,
Jamilla, another local girl whose name I can't remember, Andre and me and the driver set off. We were drinking, singing along
with the radio and having fun despite crappy weather. We stopped in several places around the island--dropped my cell off
in Marigot for Michael, picked up cds from Xavier in Anse La Raye. Had lunch in Soufriere, but it was too rainy for us to
go to the Jalousie Hilton beach like we wanted to, so we headed on to Laborie, our major stop. We met Lauren and Greg there,
and waited a while for Kate, Matt and Sarah who were coming for Lauren's goodbye party. After a long swim, though, we had
to leave before they arrived. Then we watched the sunset from the southernmost point of the island, at the lighthouse at Moule
a Chique. THat was cool, because it was the view I had when flying out of Hewanorra Airport (for the first time) the following
afternoon. On the drive back we didn't really stop anywhere, as it had gotten dark and we were all tired, and tired of being
in the car. We got some dinner at the Dennery Fish Fry and then headed back to Castries. It was fun, but a long day. And it
was disappointing because Michelle and several of her girls were supposed to come and they are a wild bunch and would have
brought some needed energy to the day. Also, I never really got to say goodbye to Michelle because of that. I went home and
attempted to pack a bit more. Got a goodbye visit from Martina and a few goodbye calls. Tried to sleep, despite knots in my
stomach.
Sunday morning I woke up early. There was a fun walk going on outside, past my apartment on the highway, which I had done
my first weekend in St. Lucia 2 years earlier. Jude and his sisters were in it, as was Andre and Martina. Both said they would
stop by during the walk but neither did. Which might have been better for my stress level but made me feel kind of sad. And
then Jude didn't come back from the walk to say goodbye. I brought Chabin and her stuff over to their house, where only his
brother in law was home, and he didn't know anything about the cat coming to live there. Chabin got really upset, and growled
and ran away, back to the bushes and then to my house, where she laid across my suitcase to try and stop me from leaving.
Meanwhile, neither bag would close. Mom called, and I was nearly in hysterics. I had given away bags and bags and piles of
things, been cleaning out, throwing away, and giving away for months, and still my bags wouldn't close. Eventually I took
a few more things out and gave them to the new neighbor, Lady Spice (a famous calypsonian--did I mention that yet?) who has
6 kids, and then it closed. (Previously, Samuel had gotten my discman, walkman, and small speakers, making him the happiest
14 yr old boy in town.) Jackie came, we loaded my stuff, I tried to say goodbye to the cat, who ran away, said goodbye to
Mathius and Jude's sisters and tried not to cry, and got in the car. We picked up her nephew and headed towards the airport.
We were really early, I should add, because I knew my bags were overweight and I wanted to be sure they would get on the plane,
and then I wanted to take Jackie to lunch. Instead, when we were about 3/4 of the way there, we rounded a poorly-banked corner
on the highway, and the road was wet from a recent rainstorm, and we skidded across the other lane and into a stone wall.
We hit it (only going about 20 mph, thankfully), bounced back, did a 360 skid in the mud on the side of the road, and ended
up facing the wrong way in traffic, as the front tires of her jeep hissed flat. We were screwed. Luckily, no cars were coming,
and two trucks with guys immediately passed and helped us tow it out of there. There was a small ding in the front hood, the
tires were flat and the axle seemed broken. But it was amazing that we were not hurt at all, given the possibilities. Apparently,
there are fatal accidents on that curve all the time. THe guys helping us told us countless accident stories. Once Jackie's
hysteria subsided, she asked one of them to take me to the airport. (I was amazingly calm about the accident, probably because
I had already sort of surpassed stressed and gone into a calm-seeming emotional coma, but really wanted to get to the airport
and didnt want to draw the focus away from the car and the accident, which was clearly a big problem. except that i need to
leave.) So we heave my stuff into the back of the truck, Jackie and I pile in the cab, her nephew in the back, and race to
the airport, where the queue at USAIR is out to the curb. I am last, with slightly more than an hour till my flight. At this
point, nothing more could phase me. I saw Lauren, and her farewell party of Greg, Sarah and another of her friends. Also our
Country Director, there with his son. THe line eventually moved, and when I got to the front, my luck changed. "Ms. Wolf,
I see you'll be flying first class with us." What??? But I rolled with it. And convinced her that my second, forbidden carryon
was actually a carryon (it was filled with books, and very heavy) and my enormous backpack simply a purse. Thus saving the
US$80 extra bag fee. And they somehow overlooked the extra weight of my bags. As the bag screeners overlooked my extra bottles
of bajan and trini rum. The magical words "Peace Corps" still wield serious power in some parts... So I made it through the
line, only to discover my flight had been delayed two hours. Upstairs, I waved goodbye to Lauren's flight and got some lunch,
finally. Ran into a woman from my gym who I always chatted with, and we always spoke about getting together. We had a drink,
got chatting, and I nearly missed my flight. As we waited in the security line, my name was called over the intercom, and
I had to dash through the airport. Thankfully it's really only one room. But I was the last person on the plane. The only
person in my first class row. And, with dirt on my skirt and a grin on my face, I watched St. Lucia get smaller out the window
and tried to process the fact that I was really leaving, for good. A comfy seat, blanket, free drinks and the movie helped,
without a doubt.
So I made it to Philly, got delayed gain at baggage, met mom and John and we stayed up late catching up. The next day I did
some shopping with mom and went out for Thai food, had dinner with Grandma and Aunt Carol, packed for Costaand tried to get
a good sleep. We got up at 4 to go to the airport for my trip to Costa Rica. And the next saga began... I e-checked in, went
to my gate and waited, and then realized everyone there was going to Nevada. Found out the flight was cancelled, and waited
in a line to get booked on the next flight. Went to that gate and waited some more, as the flight was delayed. Realized that
the delay would make me miss my connecting flight to San Jose from Charlotte, and was told to go back down to check-in and
get reticketed for another connecting flight. But due to the hurricane, many flights had been affected and lines were unbelievably
long. Cheeky me got frustrated, went to the front of the first class queue and demanded a supervisor (I had been told to ask
for one when sent down), and got one. Unfortuntely, after 40 minutes he still couldnt find a seat for me on any airline to
Costa Rica that day. So 5 hours and a $40 shuttle ride later, I found myself back in Lansdale, booked on the following day's
7 am flight (nonstop this time),and calling USAIR baggage for 3 hours to find out where on earth my bags had ended up. With
no conclusive answers, even after finally speaking to a human being. So I had to get up at 4 again, with an additional small
bag of clothes in case my luggage didn't arrive, and this time everything went smoothly. The flight left on time, with me
on it, and when I arrived, my luggage was there, my hotel shuttle was there, and Shawna was there, having arrived as scheduled
the day before. From there, our trip went beautifully.
I can't say enough good things about Costa Rica--I absolutely loved it. Our 9 days went by incredibly fast, but everything
went according to plan. There is so much to see and do, it was hard to make decisions, but we mostly stuck to the plans I
had made, with the help of the guidebook, map and some advice from others. We spent the first day/night in Alajuela, a suburb
of the Capital, San Jose, which everyone says to avoid if possible. Our hotel was reasonable and clean and the staff were
wonderful. It had cable, a pool and breakfast was included. (for $20 each) After I arrived, we spoke to a youngish girl on
staff who gave us some advice on where to go in Alajuela, and then offered to take us there when she finished her shift at
1. We jumped at that chance. So we took the bus, changed money, and had lunch at a small shop (these are everywhere, called
"sodas") in the market where all the locals eat. We ordred a few things to share with her help and learned about some of the
local food and drinks. She left us and we wandered about and shopped a bit. That night, we made our own guacamole with fresh
produce we'd bought and fresh chips from the market. We had some beers and plotted our next steps, with help from the owners.
Our spanish was beginning to improve--the vocab was coming back and we were taking tentative baby steps out of the present
tense. We decided to leave early in the morning, via taxi, to San Jose, where we would catch a bus to the town of La Fortuna,
at the base of the Volcan Arenal, an active volcano. The trip was fairly uneventful, and we passed through some pretty countryside,
and got the first in a series of long-trip giggles from delierium. The weather cleared just as we reached Fortuna, and we
could see the Volcano. Apparently it had been rainy and cloudy for a few days and no one could see a thing. From the town,
you can hear the rock fall of the lava, but you can't see it until night time, when the red flows are visible as they crash
down the mountainside. We found a cheap little pension to stay at, and decided on a night time tour of the volcano, including
a hike, lava viewing and hot springs. We went with the brother of the guy who owned our pension, which may have been our one
mistake of our trip, though it wasn't too bad. In hindsight, we should have probably taken a more recognized tour group. We
were told we would be in a group, but it was just Shawna and me, and Julio and his brother. Julio took us on a hike where
we saw toucans, and he told us about the area. Then, once it got dark, we went to the viewing area, and watched the lava flows
for a long while. Then, we got back in the car and went to the hot springs. There are several hotsprings in the area, at various
prices. The resort Tabacon has an apparently lovely setting for the natural springs to rush through, and cost $25US. Another
company slightly up (or down?)stream cost $15, but our guides said they'd take us to a free one. This was mentioned in the
trusty Lonely Planet, so we went with it. We didn't need luxury; we just wanted a nice hot soak. But our intrepid guides clearly
did the math of 2 guys and 2 girls at a hotspring and decided it was a recipe for romance. So though the hotsprings were lovely
and really relaxing, what could have been an incredible night was sort of spoiled by dodging the roaming hands and intentions
of our young suitors. It got old, quickly. Other people must fall for that, but their advances were no different than those
of every other west indian guy we had just dodged for 2 years, so we weren't having any of it. That and the "let me give you
a massage" line got played out a long time ago...
Anyway, we escaped the cluthes of our would-be latin lovers and went back to the hotel. I wanted to go out, but Shawna was
fed up and wanted to sleep. I decided going out alone was unwise, so settled for cable tv. Fortuna seemed like a pretty cool
little town, though. The next morning, we resolved to leave if the weather wasn't good. And it wasn't. So we packed up, had
a nice breakfast, and signed up for the Jeep-Boat-Jeep trip to Monteverde. On the map, they are only about an inch apart,
but there is a huge lake and a terrible road in between so a trip that would seem about an hour away, we were told, would
take 8 hours on the public bus, 4 hours+ in a taxi, or 21/2 hours by jeep-boat-jeep. We chose option c, having limited time
and limited tolerance for dodgy busses on bumpy, horrible roads (again, 2 yrs in west indies. LOTS of similarities...). It
was wise, and the boat trip was nice. Met some cool people, some of whom stayed in our little hostel in Monteverde, one of
the coolest places we stayed. Monteverde reminded me of Jackson Hole, WY or a similar type of ski town. It's on the edge of
the cloudforest, really laid back but with lots to do, and pretty 'developed' for being in the middle of nowhere, but still
with lots of rustic charm and ecological sensibility. (those last 2 were part of what made me love costa rica so much.) from
there we wandered about, had some local food, bought some souvenirs at a local artisans coop, had really good homemade ice
cream at the cheese factory, and signed up for a canopy tour, via zip lines and platforms, the next day. that night we made
dinner and went out for drinks with 2 canadian sisters we met and a belgian guy they had met, as well as a local 17 yr old
guy he had met. We went to a cafe that had a dj and dance floor, left there and went to antoher club that had just been shut
down by the police who were conducting an immigration raid for nicaraguans. That was a bummer. We sort of wandered aimlessly
in the dark, quiet streets, feeling like high school kids, until we gave up and went to bed. The next day, it was pouring
when we woke up and Shawna and I were pretty unhappy. But our tour was scheduled for 10 and around 9 the sky began to clear.
By 10:30 or so we had sunny, clear skies. And the zip tour was incredible. We didn't see any wildlife, but we zipped through
the canopy on these really high wires, and the view was amazing, and it gave us this adrenaline high. I've never done anything
like that before. I thought it might be scary, but so many of the tourists do it, I figured it couldn't be that bad. It wasn't
scary at all, and I didn't want it to end. Some of the people didn't lean back far and tuck their legs up enough, so they
went slowly and got stuck. That would have sucked. Thankfully, I never got stuck. There were about 18 zip lines, and later,
a hummingbird garden and about 12 platforms--these long, wooden, rope bridges strung in the treetops. We saw some cool birds,
swung on a vine, and then our room key fell out of Shawna's pocket and into the forest below. Luckily, it was close to a platform
and I saw it fall, so I was able to climb down on a recon mission, and surprisingly, found it! Got quite muddy though. That
night we had dinner with Mathieu, another canadian, who was travelling alone, and on a similar path to us (except he was driving,
diving and headed for panama), and then out for drinks to the same club that had been previously closed, as well as a local
bar. He had his canopy tour early the next morning, and we left for Manuel Antonio in a taxi. He was heading there too later
that day in his car, but as our time was limited we thought we'd better get there in early afternoon so we coud spend the
afternoon and then the next morning in the park. A good thing, as we discovered when we got there that the park is closed
mondays; thus, we only had 3 hours that Sunday afternoon to see it. The drive to Manuel Antonio, a small park on the pacific
coast a four hour drive away, was beautiful, and passed through rugged farmland with views of mountains and acres of bright
green fields with grazing cows, and small villages of the sort I had envisioned living in while in Peace Corps. We stopped
along the way to see some crocodiles (cocodrillos in spanish, we learned) in a river, and took pictures. Many places in Manuel
Antonio were booked, as it is very popular, despite being the low season, but we eventually found a room at a B&B in the home
of the owner of the local gift shop, a woman from California who is one of the oldest residents of Manuel Antonio. Her place
was great, but a bit far out of the way. We got our taxi driver to take us to the park and rushed through it in the remaining
3 hours. The beaches were gorgeous, and it was painful on such a beautiful sunny day (especially after the cold, gloom and
rain of the cloudforest) to pass them by, but we were on a mission to see monkeys. And we did! We saw several 3 toed sloths,
a snake (looked like a boa) some big-ass spiders, and both red squirrel and capuchin monkeys playing in the trees. I was a
happy camper. We swam briefly in the Pacific (which was warm!) after the park closed, had a snack at the beach (bbq chicken
and a tortilla, instead of a bake, like in the islands) and then a drink at a nice restaurant with a view at sunset, where
there was a sort of mariachi band (they played guantanamera, which i had been singing in the park all afternoon). As we trudged
up the steep hill to our room, getting sweaty, we sort of debated the logistics of showering and coming back down to meet
some friends from Monteverde (an American couple) in a bar with live music. Just then, Mathieu pulled up! He gave us a ride
back to our room, waited while we showered, and then joined us for drinks with Paul and Katherine, who it turns out were not
a couple, but old high school friends. We had dinner and drinks and a lot of fun. Mathieu drove us back home again. And the
next morning we commenced our most difficult quest: how to get to Mastatal. Mastatal is a small, small pueblita in the mountains
outside of a sub-city outside of San Jose, Puriscal. No one had heard of it. Turns out the busses to Puriscal left the nearby
town, Quepos, at 4 am or 1 pm. It's a 3 hour ride, and busses to Mastatal left Puriscal at 3. We were screwed. We were told
we might be able to take one of the many busses to San Jose from Quepos and find another bus there to Puriscal, but that didn't
seem to make any sense. No one could tell us how often those busses might leave and that seemed to be cutting it mighty close
as well. So we decided to get to Puriscal and figure it out from there. We had a reservation at the ecolodge in Mastatal,
but at the worst, we would just get there a day late. The bus ride took not 3 but close to 5 hours to Puriscal, and so the
Mastatal bus was long gone. We got a taxi jeep, which was a bit pricey but our only option. The driver was very chatty and
enthusiastic, but spoke no english, and his spanish was very local campesino (rather than our stilted textbook spanish) and
he spoke very fast. So it was hard to have any detailed conversations with him. Along the way we ran over a local poisonous
snake, which he failed to kill with the car, and proceeded to get out and throw stones at. A truck full of men passed, and
they all jumped out to help him. Eventually, his machete was retrieved from the back, and they proudly held up the limp, huge,
snake to us and told us it was 'the most poisonous snake in south america.' We later learned it is not, but as these snakes
sometimes find their way into villages and homes, men want to protect their families from the snakes, and kill them. After
about 2 hours we pulled up at a fenced home in the forest preserve, in the village of mastatal: Rancho Mastatal, an environmental
learning center run by two former peace corps volunteers. We heard about it from a former CR volunteeer, who was a friend
of a girl in our group in Grenada.
We had decided to end our trip with 3 days at Rancho Mastatal, as a sort of off the beaten track view of the country, and
it was a great decision. It's hard to find the words to describe the place, or the people, without giving the impression that
it is some sort of hippie commune. Tim and Robin, who are in their early 30s and from Seattle, met in the Peace Corps in Uruguay.
They bought the land and opened Rancho Mastatal about 4-5yrs ago, and have an incredible vision. They have a main house, where
they live, with a few extra bedrooms, a kitchen, bathroom and dining area, as well as a huge porch with tables, adirondack
chairs and hammocks, and another large house converted to a bunk house, which sleeps about 20, and has an indoor bathroom,
front and back porches with hammocks, 2 solar showers and a composting toilet. Most things are constructed using local, natural,
sustainable materials, like bamboo. The entire complex is meant to exist with as little impact on the earth as possible, and
to be as self-sustaining as possible. Kitchen and compost toilet waste are composted. There is a solar dehydrator, and a nice
brick oven of sorts, which uses very little fuel. There are lots of gardens, though not all the food is grown there. People
come to stay, either as students (there are programs with several environmental science classes at UW and other schools),
volunteers, or guests. Students and volunteers help out in a variety of projects or chores, from building a new structure,
tree planting, composting, to soap-making, baking or helping with dinner or dishes. Three meals are included, and they're
all vegan or vegetarian and very fresh and healthy. Robin is an amazing cook, and strangely enough, uses quite a few recipes
from a cookbook from a restaurant I love in Victoria B.C., ReBar. We came as guests, and were not required to help, but everyone
else during our stay were volunteers. There were several families, and a few long-timers who had construction skills and had
been living there about 2 years. There was a lot to learn, and everyone was really laid-back and cool. There was a dog and
a cat, and waterfall to swim in only a 10 minute hike away. Plenty of trails to hike in, and a fridge full of soft drinks
and beers on the honor system. The conch shell is blown to announce meals. In between tasks, in evenings and after meals,
everyone sort of plops into a chair or hammock and reads, plays games, or chats. There are shelves and shelves of books on
sustainable construction, bamboo, gardening, cooking, etc., and lots of knowledgable people to learn from. There were 2 UW
professors and their children there, a family that had been travelling in central america and taking spanish lessons together
for 4 months, a couple that were both astrophysicists, working on space policy in D.C., and lots of others. I wanted our 3
days to last forever, but they flew past. The first night we arrived at dinner time, veggie sandwiches on freshly made everything
bagels, and vegan chocolate cake. We socialized and slept well, and woke early. The next day we got a tour, went to the nearby
waterfall, and relaxed. It rained every day at about 1-5, so anything important had to be done early. That afternoon, we left
to go to our host families. We asked to get placed with local families to learn more about the area and culture and practice
our spanish. Shawna's family was used to having guests, but mine was a newer "host" family, and spoke very campesino. We had
a hard time communicating, but thanks to the power of games (i played cards most of the night with the 14 yr old daughter
and 9 yr old grandson), a spanish-english dictionary, and charades, we got along just fine. They were incredibly sweet to
me. I just wish I could have understood them better. In the morning, we were up at 5:30, and had breakfast (more rice and
beans and eggs, similar to dinner) and then Roberth took me to Shawna's host family so that we could go and milk cows. I think
I did it once when I was very small, but milking cows was a very strange experience. As was learning the vocabulary for it
and other farm tasks in Spanish... It was gross at first, but I managed to get the hang of it and milk about 2 1/2 glasses,
in the time it took the woman to milk 2 jugs. Oh well. After milking, we set off on horseback to a huge waterfall. The trip
took a half-day, and Shawna's host brother was our guide. He taught himself English from a book, and knew a fair amount (the
most of anyone in the village, according to Tim), so we spoke in Spanglish most of the day. He was a great guide. The ride
was long, and Shawna and I were not very experienced on horseback, but we did ok. Eventually, we had to tie the horses and
continue on foot to the waterfall, which was about 200 feet tall, and looked like something from Yosemite. It was absolutely
gorgeous, and had a huge green pool to swim in at the bottom. The afternoon showers were on their way, and I was the only
one who swam, but it was really excellent. We had some oranges and bananas we brought with us, and headed back. We named our
horses, as they didn't have names, and decided that they really matched our personalities. Shawna's hung way back and liked
to take guava breaks whenever possible, she dubbed it "Never gonna Reach" or "Nunca Llegar", while mine was sort of energetic
and a bit spastic, needing to be at the front except when going downhill, when it freaked out and tried to go anywhere but
down. I called her "Ahorita," which basically means "just now" and is used the same way as in the Caribbean. Just now was
a lot faster on the way home, and took me galloping many times. Our legs were very sore the next day... So we had one last
dinner at the ranch with everyone, and took a walk back into the village to say goodbye to our host families. In the early
morning, we took a bus with two other people from the ranch (who were going on an overnight outing to Quepos) to Puriscal,
and then to San Jose, and then finally to Alajuela. We had left Shawna's larger bag in storage there and made a reservation
for our final night. We discussed going out, as it was the evening of August 12 and the eve of my 30th birthday. Instead we
bought a bottle of wine in the supermarket, had coffee and cake in a cafe, and had a nice dinner and wine at the hotel that
night. Shawna had to fly out early the next day. My flight home had a bit of drama, of course! We got to Charlotte with no
problems except a long delay on the runway in San Jose, but we arrived at the same time as another large flight, and all 600+
of us had a limited time to clear immigration, with only 3 people working. My flight was delayed, but not long enough--i missed
it by a few minutes after a mad dash through the airport. So I got booked on the next flight out, 2 hours later (in first
class again) and spent 2 hours in the airport chilie's eating caesar salad by myself on my birthday. whoo-eee. When I finally
got to the Philly airport, I was greeted by my mom and John, with balloons, who had been waiting there anxiously for 2 hours.
We were exhausted, but stayed up til almost 3 while I showed them my souvenirs, told a few stories, and opened bday gifts.
Since then, life has been a lot less interesting, although mom and I did go on vacation again a few days later. John had a
house booked in Ocean City, NJ for the week, and we spent 3 days there. That was really nice, and I got some of my tan back.
I've caught up with a lot of my family members on this coast and a few friends. Unpacked, did laundry, and some shopping.
I don't have a car, so I'm mostly home alone all day during the week. I've managed to keep myself busy though, going through
my old stuff, helping out around the house, attempting to organise my life, and working out. I'm running and i joined the
gym in the nearby shopping center (I can walk there) which has the same classes as my gym in St. Lucia: Body Pump, Spinning,
Yoga, Pilates, Kickboxing. That's been a very good thing. I'm home for a few more weeks, and I'm starting to get used to being
back in the U.S., though certain things still take adjusting. I'm already used to dishwashers, driving on the right, and hot
water in the taps--those things didn't take long. Anyway, it's good to be back. I think.
24 July 2004
Snapshots
They say when you’re about to die that your memories flash before you; well, it’s that way with leaving too.
I remember it from leaving the States to come down here, each moment with friends seeming fraught with extra meaning and symbol
due to my own heightened emotional state and perceived need to cling to each moment, and etch each memory of time and place
in my mind permanently. It’s happening again from the other end. Today as I took a bus north from our PCV kickball match
(great fun despite arriving late due to a traffic detour and then my team losing), all kinds of memories flashed through my
mind as I passed each place. They weren’t long or detailed memories, just an image or moment of many, but it made me
want to chronicle a list of what’s sticking with me now as I prepare to leave. I have tons of actual pictures, but none
will capture these quintessential moments, and I want to write them down before they slip away and I've lost the true essence
of my time here. There is a tentative plan to do a last round the island trip next Saturday, and if it happens, I will have
more memories and more places, but I'll work on what I can recall right now, clockwise from the North:
- Rodney Bay: Shamrocks and Rumours of course, going dancing with various groups of friends, mostly Caroline, Shannon and
Sam. Bake sandwiches and Elena’s ice cream on Sundays. The beach at the ramp. Sailing races in the bay. Sunset cruises
on David’s boat. Teaching Sinclair to swim. The fire at pigeon island. Fireworks at the beach on New Years. The Wyclef
concert. Jazz, the Rupee concert and hikes at Pigeon Island. Both Cricket Matches. Too many memories to name, really.
- Castries: slogging from one end to the other in outrageous heat and back again on endless errands, dripping sweat. Getting
offered taxis, boyfriends, and other services as I passed through town, especially on days cruise ships were in. Getting asked
for money, especially from the one guy who always asks for $1US, of all the cheeky currency specific-panhandling chutzpah!
Knowing the names of the streets better than most of the Lucians I worked with. Finally bargaining one of the ladies in the
vendor arcade down to a reasonable price. Showing local friends The Garage and seeing their impressed faces that I know a
cool bar in town that they never knew about. Liming at First in Line and The Garage with Michelle and crew. Carnival and Jazz
on the Square. Liming on the NYC balcony.
- Between Cul-de-Sac and Marigot: snorkeling near Hess with Carla on the Sandals boat on her first visit, when there were
too many jellyfish to go to a good reef. Getting 2 boat rides in one day as we rushed off to go on a sunset cruise on
the Brig that night.
Marigot: Coffee and cocoa tea with Carla, Isabelle and Alain on a rainy morning of our day of tourism.
Going to the beach with Geoff on the first weekend he had his car, and floating in the sea, taking pseudo snapshots of various
views with our feet in them. (there is a banner ad on yahoo like this now—copycats.) Happy Hour at JJ’s with Maggie,
Lyle, Caroline, Karen, Shaggy and Fiona on Caroline’s birthday.
- Anse La Raye: Many fish fry Fridays, with Brendan and all the girls for Margaret’s housewarming, watching Geoff
eat a whole lobster on a plastic fork, too much rum with Chris and Ben, learning to DJ, dancing at Hideaway with various people
and in the disco with Xavier, swimming all day in the waterfall, only to find out we’re not supposed to swim in that
one.
- Canaries: best bakery on the island, the gas station that will forever be associated with me getting sick on the way to
Anse Chastanet, a wonderful hike and waterfall swim when Elizabeth still lived there and my Mom was visiting. Focus groups
with NYC, and an incredible sunset where we all posed for pictures on the dock.
- Soufriere: The sulphur springs, on several occasions—seeing everyone mud-covered the first time, with Stephanie
when we spent hours there, and with Carla, Isabelle and Alain and Marie. Climbing both Pitons. Many trips to Anse Chastanet,
especially with Stephanie when we got a ride back on the dive boat, and teaching Mary, Tom and my mom to snorkel. Trying to
snorkel hungover with Brendan and Chris. Many happy hours on Tom and Mary’s balcony, as well as Thanksgiving with EC
68 and 69. Hiking in the rainforest with Min. of Education group, Mom, and Nigel on separate occasions. Dinner at Ladera with
Nigel. Liberating cocoa pods with Geoff, and cutting them open with a key to suck the seeds in the car on the way home. The
signing of the Pitons World Heritage Charter with the Governor General. Jounen Kweyol with Mom, Geoff, Arturo and Caroline.
Driving around in the back of Ali's brother's truck on a brief party catamaran stop in town, and racing to get back on the
boat before it left without us (then abandoning ship at the next stop anyway for Maggie and Lyle’s boat). That unbelievable
view…
- Choiseul: Hotel Alex and her amazing artistic decorations. Thansgiving, of course, and other occasions. Really long "fun"
walk at ungodly early hour, followed by feasting and snorkeling. Waking up to Chris flicking all the mosquitos we had inadvertently
trapped instead of out of the net to death when it was light enough to see what happened. Hiking to the beach(es). Seeing
bwavte live up to her name. The funniest game of scrabble ever with Alex, Elizabeth and Sarah.
- Saltibus: hike to the waterfall with SLNT—meeting Craig and Nigel, jumping off the rock, appearing bald in front
of coworkers in SLU for the first time. Saltibus day on ‘round the island trip with Alex, Shanmarie and Fiona. The older
local woman that tried to adopt me when the SLNT staff + me limed after the hike.
- Laborie: First Lucian thunderstorm with Caroline and Renee. Lobster at Clint’s house. Games on the beach. Hiking
to the Saphis and Piaye. Not so ‘fun’ walk in flipflops and with rain. Uno tournaments at Lauren’s. Taco
dinners at Greg’s, especially when we never left to watch the fireworks. Chicken and a bake. Formerly best bread ever
(sigh…) Watching planes land at Hewanorra from Morne LeBlanc.
- Vieux Fort: Teaching kids about conservation at Sandy Beach. Trip to the Maria Islands with SLNT. Watching kite surfers.
Annual beach get-together with PCVs and JOCVs. Feeling like Vieux Fort was ‘civilisation’ when we were camping
at Micoud.
- Micoud: Camping at Latille falls on a full moon and getting rained out—an amazing trip despite the washout. Stopping
at a random empty disco on a round the island trip with SLNT, and just dancing by ourselves, getting on mad.
- Dennery:
Hiking the Eastern Nature trail and Fregate trail (several times)--gorgeous view, and being astounded to see organ pipe cactus
growing so close to the sea. The fish fry with Caroline, Service, Alex and Micah. Eating veg burgers and fries by the highway.
- Babonneau:
Walking to school every day in training with Michelle and eating icicles, going to Gordon’s bar after school. Celebrating
my birthday there. Stopping there again after Martin’s wedding with Service. Walking/running ‘the loop’
after school with Ross and Robin, sometimes Brian. Blowing bubbles on the balcony with Dorissa. Jake, Yannick and Dorissa
playing my guitar. Getting banished to the balcony with Dorissa to eat messy mangoes. Too much food. Giant coconuts from Gagamel’s
house. Roasting breadfuit and saltfish on an open fire. Camping at Grand Anse. The red and white Chri stmas Eve party in Paix
Bouche with Deborah. The Fun Walk to Piton Flore. Our folk dance and nutrition workshop. Going back to visit and feeling like
I'm home.
- Marisule/Corinth: hanging out with Jude, Mathius, Alvin, Samuel and Isabelle and Alain. Cat-birth. Liming
with Jacinta and everyone at their house. Horseback riding on the beach with Vincent, Lop and Caroline. Watching rainbows
over the sea. Walking to Windjammer beach so much I knew the staff there. THE TRAMPOLINE!!! Having everyone, even people I’ve
never met, already know where I live because it’s by the highway. Running in the hills of Corinth, seeing a tarantula
and naked kids playing/bathing in the standpipe in the road. Sunsets with Doris and at the Marisule beach. Games nights. The
smell of fresh-roasted coffee in the coal pot. The smell of local charcoal. Picking my own mangoes, plums, limes, sugar apples,
soursop, avocados and papayas from the yard (and surrounding property). Puppies, kittens, cows, chickens, goats, crickets
and tree frogs running rampant and making noise. Always knowing what time in the morning it is before I open my eyes by the
sound of the traffic.
Most of that won’t mean much to most of you, and it must be a bit like reading inside jokes
in someone else’s yearbook, but I suppose it’s only fitting to have in a chronicle of my life during this two-year
period. As with some of the stories and features here, like my booklist, this is mostly for me, so I can remember
21 July 2004
Leaving on a Jet Plane
Omigosh. I can hardly believe that I am really finishing my 2 year Peace Corps term and leaving Saint Lucia, and the
Eastern Caribbean for the foreseeable future, in 10 days. It’s absolutely going by too fast. Surprisingly, I feel pretty
zen about it, still, but I think that it may be due to a fair degree of denial. Panic is sure to kick in any time now I
want to apologize for my month-long silence. It’s not for lack of trying, believe me. I have now written four updates
that have crashed just as I clicked the button to save. Unbelievably frustrating. I’ve had computer issues out the wazoo
lately—crashing, and mostly just not starting. It’s not been fun at all. One good thing about leaving: this computer
won’t be my problem anymore! I’m so looking forward to getting a new, hopefully more reliable one. But I have
been lucky to have this one, and to have any sort of lifeline to the outside world. It’s saved my sanity on innumerable
occasions
My last few lost updates were detailed and descriptive, which I no longer have time for. Instead, I will speak in bullet
points. But first, let me give you my schedule. I leave here Sunday, August! 1 and fly to PA. From August 3 to 13 I will be
in Costa Rica on holiday with a friend. I return the evening of August 13, my 30th birthday, to my mom’s house in PA
where I will be until Sept. 21, when I fly to Seattle. Now then, what I've been up to since I last wrote:
- I planned a hike up Mt. Gimie, St. Lucia's highest mountain, and then didn’t get to go. My friend Andre had a car
wreck the night before. He escaped with just a few scratches, but the jeep was not so lucky. Actually, it rained all day so
it would have been a terrible day for a 7 hour hike. Instead, we watched movies all day and I tried to cheer him up.
- Alex visited again for a week, and it was great to get some more chances to hang out with her and catch up. And say goodbye
again. Which I actually didn't get to do because I missed her by about 15 minutes. I guess there are only so many times you
can say goodbye, and besides, I know that I will se! e her again, someday...
- The weekend after the failed Mt. Gimie hike, I got to finally climb Petit Piton. Eric (Caroline's boyfriend), Andre, our
guide Chad and me climbed it in four hours. It's the 3rd highest mtn on the island, one of the island's signature twin peaks,
the Pitons, and very steep. While Gros Piton was basically a walk up an enormous staircase, Petit Piton was a verticle scramble/climb.
Challenging, especially because we hit the parts with ropes right when it started to rain. There was a phenomenal view from
the top, though and it cleared up for us to see it. We got to look down on a double rainbow over the sea. I should have pictures
up soon. Afterwards we soaked in some mineral baths located by the base of the trailhead. It was one of the toughest things
I've done in a long time, and one of the coolest things I've done here.
- This computer has been giving me endless headaches, as I said. It only starts maybe 1 or 2 days a week these days, and
when it does, you never know when it’s going to crash. Like it did about a half hour ago when I was writing a previous
version of this update… So I have been more out of touch than usual. It’s not personal.
- I had about 3 weeks of debilitating sinus headaches, partly due to rain. It seems like every time I update, it’s
raining, but that’s not because it is always raining, though lately it feels like it. We do have sun, I think it’s
just that I’m more likely to be busy and not in front of a computer when it’s not raining. For now I am headache-free,
though still plagued by the usual sinus and allergy problems I have suffered with throughout my time here.
- We had another construction project with the Benevolent Fund. 4 PCVs, including me, met up with 10 St. Lucian men to help
build a 1-room wooden house for an elderly, poor nearly-blind man in Anse La Raye. It was interesting to watch, but as we
are not skilled and ! there were too many people and not enough tools, there wasn’t much for us to do. It was a little
bit disappointing, in the sense of accomplishment, but pretty incredible to know that after 1 day of work that man has a place
to live now.
- >We had another sunset cruise on David’s boat. I don’t even know if I’ve mentioned David yet. He’s
an American guy who has lived on his boat, Epicurus, traveling in the islands for about 6 or 7 years. I met him through Tanja,
my German scuba instructor friend. He’s hosted 2 sunset cruises now, both tons of fun but with dodgy weather. We got
to see lightening and phosphorescence on the last one. Tanja and I convinced him to stay around an extra week, and I played
chess and learned to sail his little sailing dinghy with him one day, and went snorkeling another. He left for Carriacou on
Monday.
- I'm finished working now, as of last week. So I've had more free time to do what I want to do and try and see people.
It's nice to be here without anything to do and finally not feel guilty about it, or frustrated. I finally get to be on a
true holiday in Saint Lucia.
Speaking of work and frustration, the biggest nightmare of my time here came true. I had
my last day at NEMO, and no one cared. The director and admin came to my offical PC party but left before it began (late),
and promised me that they’d have something for me in the office instead. So on my last day I came dressed up, brought
my camera, and waited for them to say something about when we’d have some sort of goodbye. There was nothing, barely
even a goodbye. Sort of a vague thanks. I was heartbroken. Literally. Cried my way down the street to the bus, wiped off tears,
and then was so distracted that I left my cellphone on the bus. No one from NEMO or NYC came to my party on Saturday, even
those who said they’d be there. I still have trouble believing how hard it’s been for me to accomplish any sort
of major work-relat! ed goals here. And not for lack of trying! It’s the trying part that I find so disappointing when
it comes to my leaving. I really tried, and even despite various political, social and cultural barriers in the organizations
I worked with, they know this. I am absolutely astounded that I could give 2 years of my life to work unpaid at several organizations
and they can’t even muster up a convincing thanks for my efforts. But just when I get myself into a mental frenzied
pity party about this, I find appreciation and acknowledgement in the most unlikely places: street vendors, neighbors, beach
rastas, bartenders, acquaintances, friends, neighbors, host families—everyone, it seems, will miss me, except those
I expected to impact the most. It’s been one hell of a ride. I’m only beginning to figure out how much I’ve
left behind and how much I’m taking back with me (no, I’m not talking about luggage). I may never truly know,
or it may not hit me until I come back to visit someday.<br> <li>Anyway, we had our goodbye party on Saturday
night, and it was a huge success. A really great time. Most of the people who said they’d be there came, and everyone
who did enjoyed themselves. The karaoke guy never showed up, but there was a dj and food and drinks and lots of dancing. Michelle
graciously let us use her bar, The Garage, in Castries, and she and Jaimie sort of arranged things. All I did was send out
an Evite, which crashed most of the recipients’ computers. Ah, technology in developing countries… Arturo even
flew in from Barbados for it! And Jerry flew in from St. Vincent, but it was more coincidental than just for my party. Still
very cool, especially because he went to great pains to mislead me into thinking that he couldn’t come, and meanwhile
had been in town already for a week. (Picture the shocked look on my face when he walked in Saturday night—30 seconds
of open-mouthed gape) So yes, like Arturo and I tell each other, we ! DO have friends, they’re just in other countries…<br> <li>Our
party was smack in the middle of Carnival. Pan finals was Friday, and it made me sad to realize that it’s my last steelpan
performance, at least for a pretty long while. I love the music, and I like to see the players get so energetic and dance
as they play. It’s really fun to watch. Our party was during Calypso finals, which accounted for some absent faces—seems
like most of St. Lucia was there watching. Sunday was the OECS Soca Monarch (A St. Lucian, Mantius, won again for the second
year) competition, as well as the J’ouvert party that I was supposed to attend. Sunday night into Monday morning is
J’ouvert, when people parade in the streets from daybreak. We had discussed jumping in a band, but then as sort of a
happy medium Andre and I planned to jump in the J’ouvert parade with a band called the Piton (local beer) Blue Devils,
complete with blue body paint, horns and pitchfork. I was really excited unt! il Sunday night, when I was totally exhausted.
(From the party and spending the day with my host family, especially Dorissa, who is 5.) So we decided to skip it. Instead,
we watched the parade in town all day on Monday in the blazing heat. I definitely enjoyed participating more than watching,
and I felt a small twinge when my friends from the band I jumped with last year passed by, and encircled me in a mass sequined
(glitter) and sweaty hug and pulled me down the street for a few seconds with them. That was fun, but honestly, I don’t
regret not participating. It’s expensive and exhausting, and I have other things to do with my time and money right
now. Two carnivals last year was enough, and this way I got to see what went on, since you loose all perspective of the other
costumes and bands when you’re in one. I went to a post-carnival party last night though, and got my dancing fix.<br>
<li>Another accomplishment is that I learned to walk in heels. I bought a pair a! while ago for a planned trip to
the US Embassy in Barbados with our country director that has been rescheduled and looks as though it will not happen, to
my great dismay. However, I wore them to a workshop with USAID/OFDA on Disaster Assessment and got pretty good at walking.
This was one of my goals before I turn 30.<br> <li>I mentioned it earlier, but I am going to Costa Rica when
I leave here. Shawna, another RPCV from St. Vincent, is going with me. I’ve wanted to go there for about 10 years and
I’m really excited. We’re planning all sorts of cool things like horseback riding and canopy tours on zip lines
in the rainforest. If we get a chance, we both want to try surfing, though I primarily want to see rainforests, cloud forests
and volcanoes. We’ve both had a lot of beaches in the last two years.<br> <li>There have been a lot of
other goodbyes besides Caroline, Lauren and me. Domitille and Alister are going to France the day before I leave. Pete ! and
Anna, Irish volunteers, just left to return home. Tanja is going to Egypt to do diving instruction there for 6 months. David
just left on his boat. And two other PCVs from St. Lucia recently got sent home for some unfortunate alcohol-related behavior
at the USA/Grenada soccer match. That was a really sad and upsetting situation for a lot of us. I have the feeling there are
more people leaving, too, that I can’t think of right now. It’s kind of good because it takes away some of the
feeling of missing out by leaving, since others are going too.<br> <li>I still have to figure out who my cat,
Chabin is going to go live with and when. I’ve put it off so long because it’s going to be so hard. Every time
I look at her I feel guilty. She’s gotten really fat lately, so clearly I am overfeeding her from guilt. But she also
has increased her daily intake of lizards and crickets to about 2 of each, so I’m not totally to blame. At least she
will not get too skinny when she sto! ps eating when I leave. Which she always does…<br> <li>The footballs
(soccer balls) Carla got donated and shipped only about a week ago arrived late last week. This week I’m meeting up
with the football association to make sure they get distributed to the many women’s teams island-wide, established and
just starting up. I’ve been talking to a few of them and they’re very excited. Too bad I won’t be here when
the other 7 boxes arrive. That's a LOT of gear!
A random story about how strange life can be: Two Sundays ago it was
a rainy, slow day, and Jaimie and Ben (2 pcvs) and Alley (local friend) came over and we watched a movie and then hung out
on the balcony. My cell phone rang, and it was a British-sounding woman who introduced herself as follows: You don't know
me, but I came across your phone number, and do you know a guy called Phil?(There are a lot of really obvious questions here,
such as Phil who? And where are you calling from? And how, exactly, did you come across my number? that I didn't ask. Instead,
I assumed from her accent that she meant Phil, the Welsh guy. Who is a friend of mine, but not a close one, or someone I am
universally known to hang around with--we just sort of see each other around, and have friends and hangouts in common. The
expat community here is small, and especially in the north, we all know each other, or at least of each other. Phil knows
everyone--he's an unemployed dive instructor and sort of like Kramer from Seinfeld. And we'd just had ice cream together 2
days previously, but neither of us have the other's phone numbers, and besides, his phone is broken. Which is why his mother
couldn't reach him.) So I said yes, and assured her that yes, I have seen him and he is fine. Several times. Finally she told
me to ask him to call his mother if I see him. Concerned, I tried to track down his roommate by phone, but was only able to
get hold of his old cell number, and couldn't reach him at work. For two days they weren't in any of their usual haunts, and
I finally found his roommate at work, and passed on the message. Only at the party this weekend did I finally solve the mystery
of how his mother had gotten my number: she'd broken into his email account and seen my number on the Evite to our party.
Crazy. It still makes me laugh, though he wasn't too pleased about it.
This weekend is already booked up: Wyclef Jean
concert Friday night. Saturday all PCV North vs South Kickball tournament in Marigot. Saturday night dinner with Martina and
Julie. Sunday evening there is a beach bbq/bonfire planned with some more of the same friends that were at the goodbye party.
We had such a good time they wanted to do it again.
So I've got ten days left and they're filling up fast. I doubt
that I will update here again before I leave, especially given my technology problem! s and the fact that I am getting rid
of my computer very soon anyway. If I get a chance I will update again from Costa Rica. I'm not sure what will become of this
site in my post-bananaland life. It's been a pretty amazing journey, though, and I'm still amazed that I made it through,
and that it's over already. There are so many stories that I haven't even told here, and lots more pictures than I'd ever
be able to post. I look forward to sharing them with you someday.
17 June
2004 Beer shortage My sister sent me this article about the current beer shortage resulting from a strike at the Carib brewery in Trinidad. It was happening when I visited,
and there was violence and bad traffic jams resulting from the strike as well. We've had a lot of random shortages in my time
here in the EC, but thankfully there is no shortage of Piton, our local beer, in St. Lucia. It's better (imho) than Carib
anyway. A beer shortage in the Caribbean, in time for several islands' Carnival (St. Lucia, St. Vincent and Grenada). This
can't be good.
15 June
2004 The anti-Countdown To say I'm counting down the remainder of my time here would imply
that I want to leave. Though there are people and things I look very much forward to seeing upon my return to the States,
I currently view each passing day with a measure of dread. The time is passing too fast. There is too much to do, too much
to see, too many things that will be left undone, unsaid, unseen. It's making me mildly frantic. Last week I was incredibly
moody, as all the reality began to further kick in. This week, I am facing the reality of all that is to be done, and trying
to formulate a plan of attack to actually get things done. I just have this constant sort of mental burden of things undone
lurking over my shoulder, like the feeling of homework that you put off, but haunts your conscience relentlessly. Yesterday,
Caroline and I brainstormed and revised our resumes together, a task that I have been unable to motivate to do alone. We made
some good progress, but there is still much to be done. This week I have to schedule my final dental and doctor appointments
to get medical clearance. There are reports to be written, surveys to be filled out, tests to be done. Sigh.
Last Wednesday and Thursday were a washout. Pouring, torrential rain. No turtlewatch. And more than that, I got to NEMO Wednesday,
late, and soaked, turned on my computer, made tea and began to settle in when I got a call for a volunteer emergency drill.
So I trucked back into the rain and home again, where i was met by Caroline, Jamilla, and Jaimie. We made vegetarian pizza
(spinach, zuchini, garlic and tomatoes) and played uno once again. (Since I forgot I have new souvenir dominoes from Barbados).
Jaimie and I watched Pirates of the Caribbean that afternoon after it was finished. St. Lucia actually came first in this
drill (except for St Kitts, where all the volunteers were in the same location), which is sort of exciting. They time us.
That will probably be my last emergency action drill, and that makes me very happy. I went to the gym that night, and rented
some videos with Mathius when I got home. I settled in to watch movies on a rainy night, but then allowed myself to be convinced
to go out instead, since the next day was a holiday. The rain continued into Thursday, so there was no windsurfing or snorkling.
I stayed in, sorted and packed, baked and cooked, and watched videos. At first the time alone was good, but my moodiness returned
in the late afternoon and I began to feel really sad. Just then, my friends Martina and Julie called to say they were going
to a small get-together at someone's house and were on their way to pick me up. My mood was such that I tried to get out of
it, but they wouldn't take me on. They showed up and waited for me to get ready, and though we mostly sat to ourselves and
just chatted and ate, I'm glad I went. I will miss them dearly. I dont even want to think about it.
We had our volunteer close of service party on Friday last week. It was a nice affair, held in Vigie at a rather nice hotel.
I had invited three women who really affected me in my time here, who I admire, and who, once I met and began to work with
them, made the difference in my happiness and ability to be productive and satisfied during my final year here. We were supposed
to bring 2 guests, but knowing there is always too much food and that not all were likely to come, I invited 3. One couldn't
make it, so I invited both the director and admin at NEMO (as they were the only staff when I started and i work with both),
Dawn and Maria. They came, but when the ceremony hadnt started after 40 minutes, they left. My other friend, Jackie, didn't
show up at all, until the reception was already nearly over. So when the Country Director showed up, and all the EC 69 departing
volunteers sat round the conference table with their guests, with the PC staff and other volunteers all around, I had no guests
there with me. The volunteers spoke about those who they invited and a bit about their service, and some of it was quite touching.
A few were given gifts by their guests. I was nearly last, and just before I spoke, Caroline spoke about how her landlords/surrogate
family--Mary and Paul (Tom and mary's host family, and surrogate family at times to me as well)--had buried her cat while
she was away and teared up, I choked up too. Not just becuase of the story, but because Caroline is not an emotional person--seeing
her cry got to everyone in the room. And then it was my turn, and I was already having a moody week, and feeling a bit let
down that no one turned up at my special goodbye occasion. I choked up in the middle of talking. Since I had no people there
to introduce or thank, i talked about how there are a lot of different versions of community, and that I wanted to thank two
of my communities who were present--the staff, and the other volunteers, who often don't get told how important they are to
each of us. I spent the whole afternoon feeling really sad. I don't need a parade in my honor, but I honestly hope that I
have some sort of farewell in my time here that makes me feel like I've made an impact or a difference to somebody. I'm sure
that I have, but leaving is such a vulnerable time that I need some reassurance that my time here, the energy and the love
that I've given were reciprocated in some way. I need to believe that i have made a difference.
The weekend was fun, and the weather finally turned. We had a post-COS party party at Caroline's boyfriend Eric's house. Mostly
only pcvs turned up, but it was a relaxing and fun time. Jaimie and Michael stayed over here, and after they left in the morning,
I took spinning class at the gym, happy to have an open day with no plans and a lot of potential--good mood returned due to
sunny weather, I guess. I met Phil and Angela when heading to the beach and we limed there a while, then got some food, and
Eric and Caroline met us. They all left together, and I headed to the beach again alone to do some reading. Only a few minutes
into it, I heard voices, and looked over my shoulder to see Chirs (a pcv) and her boyfriend Ben and several of their friends
pulling up in a dingey. They called me over to join them for a drink. One turned to several, and suddenly it was late afternoon.
I had met most, but not all of the group, and we had fun wrestling in the sand and sea, and just being generally silly. A
beach rasta brought us some roasted breadfruits and someone bought some cassava bread from a boy selling (with the basket
on his head), and so we had some snacks wiht our drinks. Sunset came, and so did happy hour at the neighboring bar, Spinnakers.
We got more drinks, and eventually split up, some to go home, some off to Trevor's boat (not his boat, actually, but the boat
he takes care of) to watch movies and make some food. We made pasta and garlic bread, had some more drinks and hung out for
a while. Eventually, we watched most of a movie, and then went back on the deck, in the cooler air, to hang out more, and
listen to music. A few of us ended up staying over, and it was an incredibly fun night, though not a restful one. I came home
the next morning, groggy, hot and exhausted, cleaned up and slept some more and cooked. My neighbor Mathius's daughter Cyndelle
invited herself over to play with my yoga ball for a while (she loves to bounce on it), and then sort of invited herself to
stay for lunch too. It was pretty cute. When her mom called her home to get her hair combed, I headed off to meet Caroline
and Tanja and David at the beach. Charles was there too, and Suzanne joined us (friends from the gym). Again, i got no reading
done but had a nice time with friends. Caroline and I left to go swim in Eric's pool, and I stayed for dinner and a movie,
and then eventually stayed overnight. I did get caught up on sleep, though, as his house is very quiet and relaxing. And the
next day turned out to be quite productive. Tomorrow, Janet and Charlie are in on a cruise for the day. I will meet them at
the dock in the morning and we'll figure out our plan for the day--nothing was scheduled in advance, but Charlie has an injury
and will not be able to be active. I hope we have good weather for their visit. This weekend I was visited by a dead rat (a
gift from the cat) and last night by a huge nasty centipede that was about an inch from my foot and less than that from attacking
Chabin. I smashed it with the heel of a sandal, but it was a while before my heart stopped pounding. Those things are NASTY!
Even after I smooshed it pretty well, it was still lifting its head and trying to jump at me.
I am seeking motivation right now to get back on task with my remaining Degree Project topic. Part of the problem with my
current state of stall is that I cant seem to get a few answers I need from NYC folks, and that is frustrating me. The larger
reason is that the whole experience of attempting to work there has been less than satisfying for a number of reasons that
I am still not distant enough from to write about without becoming affected. In short, talking about it still stresses me
out. In a few months it perhaps won't, but for now I have difficulty motivating myself to purposely analyze a place that I
found nearly impossible to function in. However, it remains on my 'to do' list and I need to begin to tackle it anew.
I got a look at our St. Lucia pages of the EC 69 memory book yesterday at Caroline's and it's really nice. I can't wait to
show it when I come back. Actually, while I'm on that topic, let me be honest about something else that makes me a little
nervous about returning. Well, first of all, I've changed a lot in these two years abroad. Not in any major ways, but in a
lot of little ones that I think are mostly for the better. I realize that things have changed at home in everyone's lives
as well, but in most cases, it probably hasnt been such a drastically transformative experience. (except for the fact that
it seems that everyone's gotten married and had children while i've been gone) While things have changed at home in many ways,
I've inhabited a whole different world, and that world has become my world. It will take me some time to transition back,
and I fear that all the things that have meant so much to me and become such a part of my life won't be of much interest to
everyone back home. That all you'll want is the postcard or tv news soundbite version of it. Promise me this: If you ask me
'how was it?' don't expect an answer like 'good.' or 'fine.' Expect to have a conversation about it, and please be interested
in the answers. Otherwise, don't ask. Better yet, if you are interested, ask specific questions, because I probably wouldn't
ask you to summarize your two years with a question like 'how was it?' either. I really have this great fear that I'll come
back brimming with enthusiasm, pictures and stories, and no one will care, other than to comment on my tan and ask me where
my dreadlocks are. I promise not to bore you to death, but please, ask me about it. It will mean a lot to me. It's going to
be an interesting transition, and one I'm a little bit nervous about making. I am afraid that in coming back to the U.S.,
I'll get sucked back into the lifestyle and mindset there, and maybe back into the person I used to be, rather than the person
I'm proud to have become. I probably didn't explain that well, but it's something that we all talked about in Grenada that
I know has been a problem for other RPCVs.
Something else we talked about it Grenada is the accomplishments we've done while here, not only in terms of traditional 'work,'
but personally and in feeling integrated and building relationships. I made a long list as everyone presented a few of theirs
and put them on a timeline, so i will list them here, mostly for my own memory but also in case anyone wants to see the things
I feel I've accomplished:
- made friends from 15 different countries
- travelled to 8 different islands, 7 of them independent countries (Martinique is actually a department of France)
- gained a new perspective on my feelings towards the US through my development of a love-hate relationship with St. Lucia
- survived the extremes of emotional rollercoaster (several times)
- Co-planned and organized a successful national student congress
- conquered fears of stage and microphone (emceed an event, co-taught an aerobics class, went on radio)
- learned some patois, and been asked if i'm a Saint Lucian more and more often
- learned to whine (the dancing here, that you may have seen in Sean Paul or Beenie man videos) at sort of an intermediate
level. Danced in front of some Lucian girlfriends, who grudgingly admitted it was 'pretty good.'
- became an adopted member of several Lucian families
- danced in costume in the streets during carnival
- learned to windsurf and sail, even raced in 4 regattas.
- had press releases and articles published in the newspaper, was interviewed on the radio, facilitated a few worshops,and
even emceed an event.
- Attended 2 One-Day International cricket matches, and learned about the sport
- Hiked more than 15 different trails, to about 5 waterfalls, and camped twice
- Sang karaoke once (that number may be updated after my bday/goodbye party)
- Became a 'grandmother' to my cat's kittens
- read more than a hundred books
- witnessed 2 weddings, 2 christenings and a funeral
- maintained a website and contacts with several different classes of schoolchildren in the U.S.
- interacted with people from the lowest to the highest levels of society
- learned to eat meat off the bone and fish still whole without blinking an eye. never quite conquered some of the more
bizarre 'delicacies' like pig-tail or pig feet or kidneys (this is not a regret)
- realized that PC in the Eastern Caribbean is a "real" experience, despite what images of cush life it conjures up to others.
stopped comparing my experience to preconceived conceptions.
- realized this was home when i really wanted to come back, and was homesick for SLU on a trip back to the US
- learned to set small, achievable goals and to take pleasure in small victories
- learned the fine art of sitting still (which is not as easy as it sounds!)
- learned to slam dominoes the caribbean way
- learned to cohabitate with frogs, crickets, spiders, millipedes and cockroaches (though the last very reluctantly)
- learned to kill cockroaches, centipedes and spiders with a minimum of nausea, paralyzing fear, and girly screams
- Appeared bald in front of my first large group (peace corps PST), and then many times afterwards. Became ok with this
(though sometimes I really still get sick of explaining)
- lost more than 10 lbs of weight i needed to lose, got stronger and fitter than i have been in years
- came to have a new understanding of 'work,' 'success' and 'achievement' in my life. came to terms with the overachiever
mentality that causes me undo stress. attempted to battle those demons.
- learned to draw boundaries in how I allow myself to be treated, and in how I allow others to not waste my time.
- learned how to be more direct and to ask for what I want (an ongoing process)
- linked up, via a friend and her father, with groups who are donating 9 boxes of girls' soccer equipment to teams in St.
Lucia who really need it. Though I may not be here anymore by the time it all arrives.
- Learned to roast cashews, cut open a coconut with a cutlass, how to tell when mangos, avocados and breadfruits are ripe,
and the names of all the local foods in english and patois.
- Cooked soup out of whole fish heads, even the eyes, and ate it!
- Changed assignments several times--once officially, and again unofficially. Found my own projects and community partners,
and finally got some things done once i worked with people who wanted me there and respected my skills and my time.
- Complied a resource notebook of NGO and workshop training materials
- was elected and served 1 year as the island solicitor/reporter for our peace corps EC literary magazine, Serious Ting.
Finally published something other than recipes in the last issue.
I could go on, but you get the idea.
8 June
2004 More madcap adventures, and miscellaneous musings The rainy, hurricane-y season is upon
us, here in the EC, though since we hardly had a dry season, the only difference is more humidity and heat. It's been a wet
year, but hopefully the hurricane season will again pass without incident.
I've been back from my travels for a week now, but I'm still pretty tired, and laying low. Haven't gotten a whole lot accomplished
except getting my computer, which crashed on me right before I left, fixed. Of course, when Urban (our PC IT guy) looked at
it, it exhibited none of the sickly symptoms it had been showing me, but since then it's working fine. So far so good. This
is crunch time for revising my resume, finishing a rough draft on the other thesis topic, and writing a final Description
of Service report for Peace Corps. I'm very relieved my computerless time was so brief. On Thursday last week, Doris and I
had planned a resume updating session together. We sat down to do it, only to be interupted by a call that announced she would
be leaving for medical reasons to return to the US on Monday. She had to abandon our session, and suddenly rush to accomplish
the myriad tasks that come with leaving the country, with only 2 business days to do them. I helped her make the list, and
when I got home, her leaving stress turned to my leaving stress, and I have been sorting and packing ever since. I inherited
her food, which was a blessing for my cash-strapped budget, and her extra items to give away, which only added to my growing
pile. Since I intend to travel for 10 days on my way home to the US, the dilema right now is how to get the bulk of my non-clothes
possessions home so that I dont have to lug it all with me in my travels (unweildy, but also potentially unsafe to have lots
of luggage). Although I'm getting rid of many things--clothes and shoes and toiletries like sunscreen and aloe--and finishing
many things, and have sent quite a few things home, I still have a bunch of junk that needs to get back to the US. It may
go with my Aunt when she comes to the island for a day next week on a cruise. We shall see. At any rate, i have been doing
a lot of packing (which is perhaps another form of procrastination on the other things I mentioned I need to do. But at least
a productive one).
My island-hopping trip was great. Due to Caribbean Star's foolishness, i had to leave Tuesday instead of Monday the 17th.
I arrived in Grenada in the morning, took a bus up the Western coast of the island to Amy's where I met her and jake, and
spent a few days there. We had a good time, though the weather wasn't too great, due to the wave that had been circulating
the region for weeks, dampening more than spirits. We hung out, cooked, watched tv, and went on a few small adventures: visited
a nutmeg processing cooperative in her village, and took a walk to a beach at the northern tip of the island, where we swam
and happened upon a female leatherback turtle who came onshore to lay her eggs. That was amazing. Thursday, Jake and I went
on a hike in the rainforest to a waterfall called 7 Sisters, and Amy had to do some work. Then we met the rest of our group
in the tourist area, Grand Anse, at a hotel where we spent the next few days and had our final conference. It was right on
the beach--a really beautiful stretch with lots of hotels and restaurants, and a view of the picturesque harbour of St. Georges
(I think it's the prettiest capital in the EC). The hotel, the food, and the chance to catch up were really great. The conference
was pretty interesting and relevant as well, and as much as I didn't expect it to have much effect on me, really helped shape
how I am processing my experience here and my views and expectations on returning home. Most of us were pretty excited that
Grand Anse has an amazing American grocery store (for the American medical school there) where you can find just about anything,
as well as Subway and TCBY (I didnt find time to go to the fast food chains, but did go to the store several times and gape
as well as buy). We went out dancing, and Jake and I had some late night swims in the hotel pool after the dance club as well.
A good idea until the mosquitos discovered us. It was really sad and hard to say goodbye to everyone, and in some cases even
sadder to have not gotten to say goodbye. I wish it could have been a little bit longer. It was like a family reunion in which
there just isnt enough time to catch up with all the relatives. The last night I spent with Kari and Sarah at Kari's apt in
St. George's, and headed out to Trinidad the next day. I expected my Trinidad leg of the trip to be quieter than the Grenada
or Barbados legs, and in some ways i was right, but in some ways wrong. It was definitely quiet in terms of parties, but not
in terms of sleep. Oscar and Irva live very far from Port of Spain, in Penal, on the southwest side, and had a very busy schedule
that week, so i was just incorporated into it. His department (ministry of health, population division) was hosting a conference,
and he brought me along. I helped the women in his department organize getting out the food, etc, and got to know them. Two
of them left early with me the first day and took me shopping in several areas, and one, Georgie, took me under her wing and
became my personal tour guide. All three days she took me somewhere in the afternoon, shopping, driving, and to the pitch
lake. I met her husband and kids on Wednesday, and they took me to see a sort of shrine at a nearby Catholic church--a doll
that had come from Venezuela many years ago with the native americans, and each time it was sent back, the story goes that
it was mystically returned. I get a kick out of that sort of thing. They also gave me some trini cds and some coconuts to
drink--they took good care of me. As it was Youth Week at their church, I spent 2 of the three evenings there at church with
Oscar and Irva, the Penal 7th Day Adventist Church. That was a new experience for me. So in between work (we were up before
dawn each day for the long drive, and traffic) and church, and sightseeing with Georgie, there was little time for catching
up. So we were up late at night chatting and eating--they fed me way too much of course. But Trini food, as I expected, is
wonderful. (still carbo-centric, as Caribbean food is, but much more flavorfull and seasoned than St Lucian food). I had a
roti with chicken, pumpkin, chickpeas (channa) and a spicy mango chutney (that i forget the name for), and it was great. I
also got to try doubles and some of the other indian delicacies. Trinidad is not known for its tropical scenery, and the parts
I saw were decidedly industrial, but the streets were wider and more paved, and the city was much bigger, and the suburbs
much more American-seeming than anything else I have experienced in the EC, save Martinique (which of course is developed,
but not American-seeming; but rather French). That in itself was an experience. Unfortunately I didn't get to see the scenic
side, which is the beaches of Tobago.... maybe next time. From Trinidad i went to Barbados, where I linked up with Arturo
the first day, and heard about his recent visit to Saint Lucia, while I was in Trinidad. Actually, he had a meeting when I
flew in, so I headed by bus to the beach where I stayed previously, and relaxed and snorkled, and had some lunch. That was
my only chance to relax until I got back. As he had lived and worked in Barbados prior to working and living in St Lucia,
he showed me some of his favorite haunts, but we didn't stay out terribly late that night. From Friday morning on, I was pretty
much consumed by sailing. I met up with Marc, a Bajan/American friend who had arranged for me to sail with him on his boss's
boat in the Mt. Gay Regatta that weekend, on Friday morning, and we had breakfast together, then went to the boat. We sailed
hard, lost anyway, and then went to parties and socialized. That went on for 3 days. After the first day, Marc and I tired
of greasy post-regatta food and went for dinner elsewhere, so I did get to experience a bit more of Barbados, but mostly in
the ChristChurch area that I had already been to. The final night, Sunday, we drove out to a miniature golf course owned by
a Swiss German guy on our boat that had an amazing view of the city and its surroundings. The three of us were so exhausted
we just sort of quietly contemplated and chatted--it was a really peaceful way to end my trip, and I'm glad i was there instead
of at yet another party full of drunken yachties. (they are fun, but they have sort of a limited appeal after a while, especially
when held at the same location.) The next morning, i flew back to St. Lucia really early. It was a holiday. I arrived, via
bus, at my apartment to find the door open and a person moving inside. "I really hope that's Jude," I thought (as he had been
feeding Chabin in my absence), and it was. Ever the sweetheart, he had begun to straighten my apartment and was sweeping the
floor as a surprise for my return. He sent me to sleep, and finished his cleaning. Later I did laundry and read, and that
night, went on a sunset cruise with a small group of friends and acquaintances on Epicurus, a large-ish motoryacht that David
(an American who I met through Tanja, a German scuba instructor I became friends with from the gym) lives on. We had a great
time, despite a not-so-exciting sunset, and went on to have dinner in a cafe. I got home late again that night. Spent the
rest of the week recovering, and going to the gym to try and re-lose the 5 lbs I had finally lost but re-gained again on vacation.
Also, trying to catch up on sleep from a few days of delayed reaction nighttime vertigo/seasickness, as well as a 2.5 day
migraine. On the weekend, I went on a gorgeous hike along the Eastern coast, part of which was new to me (from Dennery south)
and part of which I had done (the Fregate island trail towards Praslin). Sunday I had a windsurfing lesson with Charles (also
my sailing mentor) and Tanja. Did better than my first time, as I actually went a respectable distance after some practice.
The wind was calm, but very gusty and shifty, so difficult to manage, but I had just begun to the get the hang of turning
and gaining/controlling speed when we had to stop. From there I went to a goodbye gathering for Doris, which was very nice
and touching. I only cried a little bit. :)
This week is back to normal, almost, except there is another holiday again on Thursday. If the weather is calm, we will windsurf
again; otherwise, I might go snorkelling with another friend from the gym. Wednesday night a group of volunteers and some
folks from Babonneau are going on a turtle watch at Grand Anse. I tried to arrange a camping trip there again last weekend,
because of the full moon, but no one else seemed to be into it. This worked out perfectly. We're not camping though--leaving
at about midnight and having a barbecue at Nurse Lucy's (Jamilla's community partner, and a member of the committee I worked
on), and then we'll all split up to various volunteer homes to sleep. I'm looking forward to it.
Now that the narrative is over, I'll try and recollect the other random thoughts I've been attempting to stash away as they
occurred to me since I returned from my trip. One thing I noticed that I haven't commented on yet is tent revivivals. I'm
sure these still go on in the US, but not in any place I've ever lived. But Christian tent revivals, called "crusades," are
a very common thing here, and throughout the Caribbean. They go on from a few days to a few weeks, and often have very loud
music. I haven't been to one, though I've been invited. I'm sure it would be interesting to observe, but it's really not my
scene, and those things go on for hours... There's one in Castries by my bus stop right now.
I am also trying to learn how to cook the foods I like to eat here, in case I ever want to attempt to make them in the states.
Today I cooked my first breadfruit (well, half of one, actually--Angela and i split one given to us by a woman in Dennery
where we stopped after our hike), and needed something to go with it, so i made curry chicken. This is one of my favorites,
but no one i talked to was able to tell me how to make it, except to give me the same less-than-helpful advice: "remember
not to put to much curry, ah? but not to put too little, either." No one was able to tell me quantitatively how much was the
right amount though. So I went by taste, and it was good enough for me. I am still incredibly intimidated by cooking for Lucians
though, as they are very particular and like things to be one way--their way. Soon, Jude and I are going to make Pelau, which
is a sort of stew with Chicken, rice and lentils. (I was supposed to make it with Amy in Grenada, but we ran out of time).
So, with the cooking, hiking and turtle-watching, I am checking things off my list. The more I do, though, the more I realize
there still is to do. There just isn't enough time, i guess. Suddenly I'm realizing all the things I've taken for granted
about my life here, the places I wish I would have spent more time at, people I should have spent more time with. But that's
how life goes. I'm glad to be on my way out wanting more, rather than counting the days until i can leave.
While I was away, the opening of Carnival event happened. (also the 5-day Bangladesh/West Indies test match)Since then, there
are different calypso competitions every night, at different 'tents.' (some are actually in tents, some not) I haven't been
to any yet--this year or last--but I'd like to go at least once to check it out. I haven''t heard any of this year's songs
yet, but it will be interesting to see which political topics they highlight. I know there is one on the abortion issue (pro-choice,
sung by a woman), and one about child abuse (against) sung by Ashanti, who I wrote about meeting previously. I still haven't
decided if I'm jumping in a band again this Carnival. If I do, it will be with a band called Generation x, with most of the
people in my section from last year. But i have sort of estranged myself from the NYC crew, so i don't really know where that
stands. On one hand I want to jump again because it was so much fun last year, but in a way, I think it might be better to
just keep such a great memory of it. I'll have so many expectations this year, and if it doesnt meet up with last year's experience
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